Lets be real, friendship is difficult!
Just like growth and development are an important part of life, so are friendships.
Friends are individuals that we form unique affectionate bonds and relationships with, built over a combination of trust, loyalty, respect, common interest and love. They are those relationships that satisfy our soul, bring us joy, listen to our owes, celebrate us and just love us for the person that we are. Those are the friendships that most times we feel as though we should hold on to, and in turn we tend to miss the signs that some of these “friendships” are toxic, draining and dangerous because they deplete our positive aura and energy.
As I get older, I realized that the people you associate with the most should shape your thinking. They should challenge you out of your comfort zone, and assist in your future and where you are headed in life.
Friendships should ALWAYS add value to your life. If you ever feel as though you are not growing from these interactions and find yourself in a tough spot on whether or not you should distance yourself from these individuals and find people to elevate you, this one’s for you .
Here is a run down of friends to leave in 2017.
The Debbie Downer/Negative Nancy : The friend that no matter what the circumstance is automatically negative in every situation, always putting a cloud of despair over whatever you may bring up. Never positive, never optimistic and a down right grouch!
The Backhanded Complimenter – The friend that always gives compliments disguised as insults, especially in situations to belittle or condescend you. This friend never seems to believe that you’re capable of achieving anything, and when you do their admiration for whatever you have done is ALWAYS down played by some degrading remarks.
The One Who Never Grows Up – The friend that has not learned to handle their emotions, lashes out and as a result everyone has to pay the price. This friend does not have the coping mechanism to deal with conflict or disagreement. While this can be true of everyone sometimes, the individual resorts to child like behavior at the expense of others, each time when faced with a conflict, as oppose to learning to deal with or to resolve it or managing their behavior and expectations.
Drama Queen/Self Centered friend – The friend whose storyline never seems to move past the conflict stage. They adapt drama as their way of life and seem to attract it. They are always upset over petty or trivial things, and have a way of turning their situation around and magnifying it to ALWAYS be bigger than what you’re going though. There is always something that is making them unhappy, and there is typically someone to blame other than themselves.
The User – According to author of Give and Take, by Adam Grant, there are three types of people: takers, givers and matchers. I believe that your capacity to give is really determined at a young age. It is something that becomes engrained in you as part of your DNA. There are some people, however, who just constantly take as their way of life. If you are an individual who is always generous, friends such as these will know no bounds when exploiting from you. Their every move is calculated and guided to guilty trip you into giving into their demands. These friends don’t recognize their behavior, and view it as the norm, rarely ever showing any sort of reciprocity as part of their thought process.
The One Who Doesn’t Respect Your Goals – It’s one thing to give advice and point something out that you may have overlooked, but it’s an entirely different thing for a friend to tell you you’re making poor decisions in regard to your career, health, romantic life or your finances. If you find yourself with a friend who’s constantly shitting on your personal goals/choices, try to remember it’s not THEIR life; it’s YOURS. They are entitled to make their own decisions, not yours. After all you’re asking for support not condemnation from a friend.
The One That Secretly Hates You- This friend cheers you on, exclamation points and happy face emoticons included. But in reality, they secretly just don’t like you nor want the best for you. BE VERY CAREFUL; because these types of friends are at times difficult to spot. They mask their love for you with eagerness and shower you with compliments, but are masking their feelings and strategically calculating your demise. If your gut points this out to you with someone, follow it! Your intuition always knows.
The One That Drains Your Energy – After spending time with this friend, you feel drained. The conversation usually revolves around their problems and complaints. They use you as an emotional “dumping pit” to release their negativity and feel better.. Problem is, energy transfers, and as a result their negative energy withdrawals your energy reserve leaving you with nothing after each encounter. If you are consistently exhausted after spending time with someone, know that the consequence is that you will have nothing left to give yourself and the people you love.
Friendships should be worthwhile and an enriching parts of our human experience. We should always strive to be close to those relationships whether friends, family or lovers that always bring forth the best in us. While it is difficult to reconcile the idea of losing a friend, you need to think of yourself and how that person plays into your overall health and happiness. If they are constantly bringing negative energy and not helping you grow in any way, its best to cut ties and not hinder the full potential of your personal growth and development. That’s just the way the cookie has to crumble.
There’s also nothing wrong with it. It’s the natural evolution of things. I’ve lost friends to relationships, opposing viewpoints, advancing in my career or playing an extra in their lives rather than a more important role. It’s just the way things happen. And from these losses, I have gained the understanding that who you surround yourself with influences who you are, how you deal with things and how high you will excel and soar .
Make sure to surround yourself with ONLY the best and you’ll be sure to feel loved, supported and fulfilled.
You owe yourself nothing less!
Love Always Derri xo
